In tha Funk

No that's not the name of a new club or bar I'm going to it's the way I've been feeling lately, ok lately I really mean the last 2 months. I've been in a funk, depression, sad, evil, bitch face depression. I didn't realize how bad I was in it until the other night. Danny told me that I am different lately that all I do is sit on the couch and watch tv or play on the computer, he wasn't happy at all. It's the truth though, I don't feel like doing anything but sitting there, I went to the gym last night the first time in 2 months, and felt so good when I left there those endorphins must have kicked in quicker than normal needless to say I needed them so badly. I told Danny I'm broken, it's the truth I really am, everyday I feel like there is a hole inside of me that keeps getting bigger by the day, apparently it's so big now that it's coming out in the form of bitch face and lazy ass! I hate those people bitch face is the bitch she is evil she can be nice one minute and then mean the next, no one wants to hang out with bitch face not even me! And then we have lazy ass she is someone that only wants to sit on her ass no matter what she is the laziest lazy person I've ever met. I am so sick of having a bitch face and a lazy ass!!! I'm also sick of having heart ache and infertility issues, but anyone who reads my blogs knows this!

When I was going to the therapist about my infertility she told me to name the person inside of me that is hurting so I gave her my middle name "Elizabeth" she told me to tell her that I was sorry, and tell her I forgive her and talk to her, aka myself! I was thinking about that yesterday after my two days of HELL! And I just out loud said I love you Elizabeth, it's ok, we are ok, I forgive you and I'm sorry for everything. It's crazy how good that felt, I think I really needed to forgive myself and let myself know it's ok that I get in these funks sometimes, but I also promised myself that we would change things, that we would make things better even if that meant taking our happy pills!

So last night I went to my weight watcher meeting, this is the 9th week that I've been going, UGH I gained 1.2 lbs, it is my period week but it's also been Halloween week and I've been depressed so I've been eating my feelings. So total for 9 weeks I'm at a total gain of .2 lbs that FUCKIN SUCKS! So my weight watcher leader informs me that she wants me to write everything I eat down and bring it to her so that she can see what I'm doing wrong, I know what I'm doing wrong... I'm not doing it! It sucks, my cousin Leslie started weeks after me and has lost a total of 8.6 lbs I'm so happy for her but come on Amy Elizabeth you can do this!!! Even through the depression I want this more than anything, usually when I get in a funk I say Fuck it, and stop going to meetings, but I haven't yet that's gotta say something. I must want this, I do want this, I have to do this NO MORE EXCUSES!

Bitch face, lazy ass, Amy, and Elizabeth we are doing this!!! HA HA HA I have 4 personalities!!! I'm fucked up in the head o shit! Wish me luck!