For those of you who are like me TTC takes on a life of it's own, it consumes you, it eats at your soul, your mind, your heart, it weighs heavy on your shoulders and it's a very heavy burden to carry if I do say so myself. But if you're like me life soon takes over and you find yourself almost 30 and still no child... I can't tell you how regretful I am that I didn't stick to TTC and going through with doctors visits but the truth is I've enjoyed my time and I am still wanting a baby more than anything in this world and that's why I've been working out now at a grand total of 10 lbs lost I am feeling better about myself. I am starting back on my Metformin TODAY so we will see if that kicks in my weight loss any because it will lower my insulin. I have a feeling that's why I've only lost 10 lbs in 2 months I know what I've been doing would make most people loose a lot of weight but little ole me only lost 10 not that I'm complaining because 10 lbs is a lot of freaking weight heck that's how much big fat babies weigh when they are born lol. So to shed that kind of weight is amazing! The only thing I don't like about Metformin is the way it messes with my bowels and stomach, it makes me have to go to the bathroom A LOT lol. But that's what I need something to regulate me. I need to get my insulin levels down I need to do this because I think it's my only option at actually loosing the weight in a decent amount of time. Now when I speak of time frame I'm not saying I want to loose 100 lbs by Christmas but I want to loose 100 lbs by this time next year I want to be able to wear the bikini I bought last year in Gulf Shores, AL and swore I would be wearing this year, well you can see I am not wearing it now lol. But I will be wearing it next year. I feel like I'm rambling and I probably am but hey this is my blog and you don't have to ramble with me if you don't want to lol. So for those of you (lol I don't think anyone reads this but I can pretend lol) I am going to set a weekly goal of 2 lbs per week and if you'd like to join me in this journey I would love to have buddies. Anywho I'm done rambling, I have to get to work.
Well another Mother's Day is tomorrow this makes the 7th one that I've had to endure since trying to conceive. All I want is a family like everyone else I see and I just don't understand why it hasn't happened for me yet. It's like I was totally fine earlier and then we go to dinner and driving you see all these stupid signs that say "Happy Mother's Day" and I'm like UGH!!!! It's one of the hardest days to endure. I don't even know why, it's just a made up holiday but I would give anything to hold in my hands what so many have, as my song says. I would give anything to bring my dream to life, and it really sucks that I'm sitting here wanting this when so many people out there give up there babies and no I'm not talking about adoption I'm talking about abortion... those women that give thier children up for adoption are some of the strongest women in the world, I have no clue how in the world you could do that. The women that piss me off are the ones that have abortions because they are too stupid to understand that you opened your legs and you got pregnant, you had the pleasure that led to that life, and yes even just a few weeks or days there is a life in your belly I don't care what anyone says. Why in the world would you be able to have a child when there are couples out there like Danny and I that can not have their own child? That seems so unfair to me. I'm not the only woman suffering this mother's day there are lots more women out there that are childless and my heart goes out to you all. I do have to say Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's out there, just please hug your children a little tighter and know how lucky you are to have beautiful children, because there are women like me that would give anything to be in your shoes.
On a happier note this mother's day I am doing something so much more than any other year to get me closer to my goal, I'm working out 5 days a week twice a week with our awesome trainer at the gym, and I'm loving it, I am getting my body in better shape to become a mommy. I'm so very thankful for Danny he's been awesome in helping me stick to my goals this time around and I can't wait until I am able to make him a Daddy and one year (hopefully sooner rather than later) we will be able to celebrate mother's and father's day.
