Hey guys, so on Monday, Danny & I will celebrate 13 years of marriage! Looking back on our life together it has been kind of crazy but I'm so thankful that God picked us for this journey. There have been many times within these 13 years that I've heard friends say to us, you guys have the perfect marriage or I wish my marriage was as great at yours. The funny thing is most if the time when people would be saying that there was turmoil on the inside that never showed on the out. When Danny & I got married I never expected to go through even half of the things we've been through, in reality I guess I thought married life was just this fun perfect thing and that it was going to be super awesome all the time. Our marriage has gone through 7 years of infertility, 3 grandparents dying within 6 months of each other, having both of Danny's sisters along with both of their 1 year old sons moving in with us at the same time, depression, 2 pregnancies, 2 beautiful baby boys, cheating, loosing our house to foreclosure, moving in with my parents, and finding Jesus right smack in the middle of it all. I can tell you finally finding Jesus is most definitely the only reason our marriage has survived.
So I have been struggling big time today, it started out a great day then I get this text from someone pretty close to me that is expecting their 4th child, she has decided to have an abortion. My first response is to text my husband to please pray for them, I then text her back and let her know I'm praying. This is while I'm walking around the grocery. When I get to my car I try to pray but I'm not even sure what to pray about, luckily Romans 8:26 says In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. (boy did I need him at that moment.) I start to cry and decided to call my husband, "I don't know why I'm crying," I say, he says "because you know it's wrong and you've struggled with trying to have a baby in the past." So we talk for a bit more, still crying my eyes out and he says I think you need to call her. I agree, hang up the phone, pray for God to give me words to either change her mind or something, I'm really at a loss here. I call her, she answers, "have you done it yet?" "no, not yet," I begin to speak, voice is cracking, I cry, she cries, I just pour my heart out to her of all of the reasons not to and then ask for her reasons that she thinks she should, she tells me her reasons which are valid reasons for not wanting to get pregnant but to me not valid enough to go through with abortion. I ask if I can pray for her, she agrees, so I pray that God helps her, I pray for his strength and forgiveness, I pray for him to help her make the right decision. We sit in silence both weeping, we end our conversation and I drive back to work, I call my husband again and tell him everything that was said, he prays over me. I go into work where my mom and sister are, they can tell I've been crying, of course they ask what's wrong so I tell them, feeling like I'm going to hyperventilate, I just can't imagine someone that claims they know Jesus Christ, how they can do this to an innocent child.
So to say I'm struggling today is an understatement, I've come to the realization that I said everything I could have said, I prayed for her, I talked to her, I cried for her, but in the end it's between her and God, he is the ultimate judge and this is something she will have to live with not me, I cried so much you would have thought that I lost someone very close to me, truth is I know there are still people out there that would love to have taken this baby, there are women out there today crying because yet another pregnancy test is negative, there are people out there right now that will never have a child, and this girl that gets pregnant so easily just took it for granted, but like I said it's not my fight any more, I tried, God knows I tried. I'm angry at her, but I have to forgive her, because God forgives.
Psalm 113:9- He honors the childless wife in her home; he makes her happy by giving her children. Praise the Lord! This means that in some way or another you will have those children, they may not look exactly like what you plan but God's plan is so much greater and better than anything we could ever imagine.
May God bless anyone who reads this blog. With love, Amy
