I am officially 23 weeks pregnant which is 5 1/2 months. I was just thinking today about how my daily thoughts have completely changed within these few months. I went from thinking daily about my infertility, will I ever get pregnant, what will it feel like to be pregnant, how I will tell my family when I finally see that positive test...
The day I found out that I was expecting was the most amazing, yet craziest day of my life. I really wasn't expecting to see two lines, but when I did I couldn't stop smiling and crying and feeling over joyed. Telling our families was awesome, no one really believed us lol. Our first doctors appt was awesome we got to see our little blob of joy lol, that's what the baby looked like that day, we got to see it's heart beating and that was a wonderful feeling/relief to know that everything was ok. This is our 7 week ultrasound.
On our 12 week appt we were to hear the heartbeat on the dopplar, of course the baby was being stubborn and wouldn't let us hear it's heartbeat so we had to have another ultrasound, this time it actually looked like a baby it was amazing to me how much it changed in just 5 weeks. We not only go to see our baby we also got to hear the heartbeat on the ultrasound machine.
Around week 15 I started to feel flutters in my tummy, and then about a week or two after that I felt the first real movement, I rolled over in bed and the baby flipped over as well, it was the most awesome experience I've ever had. At week 20 we were to have the ultrasound of all ultrasounds and finally find out if our baby was a boy or a girl...
We are having a boy!!! Derek Logan Hubble!!! It's truly amazing the feelings and emotions that I have for this little boy all ready, I feel so attached and so in love with him. When he kicks or moves inside my belly I just get a smile from ear to ear, I always imagined what this would feel like and now that I finally have this I truly know what I was missing before, I truly am thankful for the gift that God has given to us, I am truly grateful for all the prayers and thoughts that people sent to us during our infertility days. I am truly a better person because of Derek, I have a stronger faith in God because of Derek, I finally know what the love of a parent for a child is like because of Derek. I love Danny more every day because of Derek and because Derek is the reason behind all of these wonderful things I have to thank God even more because without him I would have never had a chance to be Derek's mommy. I am so thankful that God picked Danny and I to be his parents, to raise him, I am so thankful that God let me go through infertility so that when I finally became Derek's mom that I would be this thankful for him, that I would be so happy for the little things. My relationship with God was on the rocks before Derek, I questioned him and I thought how could God give some people a child when they can't take care of themselves and here are two people ready and able to love a child and take care of it, but he knew what he was doing, his plan was far more great than I ever could have imagined. I have had this want for a child that has been like a thirst that has built up for 7 years, and now that I am finally on the final stretch of this pregnancy that drink of water was well worth the wait. Danny and I have gotten into church lately and we both got baptized on Easter Sunday, it was amazing, the feeling of relief I felt afterwards, it was as if all the doubts and questions that I had about God before were washed away in that water, all the pain I had felt in the past was left behind, and now we are new and refreshed and ready to start our lives with God and ready to raise Derek up to know the Lord.
We have now finished Derek's room, and there are times that I find myself just going in there and standing and looking around thinking is this for real. Danny and I stood arm in arm in his room and I simply said can you believe we finally have a nursery in our house for our baby? His response was no I can't. We are both still in shock and aww over it. Some days it's still not sunk in, but I am so happy that in only a few more weeks I will finally get to hold Derek in my arms and know that he is my child and kiss his sweet little face and see Danny do the exact same thing. He will be so loved by his mommy and his daddy.
